Friday, August 2, 2013


Please forgive me while i try to figure out how to best use Bloglovin.  Tell me about your experiences and what you are using for your blog feeds....

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Thursday, May 9, 2013

If I Could Have My Childhood Back

Sunday, March 24, 2013

What Adults Can Learn From Kids

Please watch this!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity

Sunday, December 9, 2012

You STILL can't lose Christmas, Ralphie

"You can't lose Christmas.
That's it. No details. No exceptions. Period. Finito. That's that.
The same goes for birthdays.
I have literally said to my children, "You can burn the house down. We will move into a hotel until the house is rebuilt. We will collect insurance money, rebuy gifts and still have Christmas. Because you can't lose Christmas.""
You STILL can't lose Christmas, Ralphie - Christine Moers

Monday, November 12, 2012

Reactive Attachment Disorder Is A Lot Like A Bowl Of Bad Soup

When you hear people talk about reactive attachment disorder (RAD) there seems to be a focus on the “attachment” and “disorder.” What seems to be missing from my perspective in the discussions is the “reactive” portion. It is not called “selective” attachment disorder. It is not called “just to piss my new mom off” attachment disorder. The operative word in reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is “reactive.” “Reactive” in this instance does not mean that children with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) have a propensity to “react” it's implication here is that it is the “reaction” (a predictable and the logical one) two specific events that must occur in order to create the “reaction.” Reactive attachment disorder is not a “willful” attachment disorder. Children who have been labeled as having “reactive attachment disorder” were not born with it. It is an adaptation acquired from their environment. It was acquired through the lack of attachment of those whose duty it was to protect them.

Oh, so many years ago Mr. Sunday and I went to a local neighborhood restaurant that we frequented and I ordered in a big bowl of lemon rice soup just like I always did. I ate my soup. Not long after we returned home I got violently ill. I was sick for hours, I thought I was in a die and I came to a somewhat logical conclusion, although not really, that it was a lemon rice soup to blame. Now logically, if I were to really think about it I would know that it could have been anything that I ate in the past 48 hours...but really my brain associated my illness with the last thing in and decided that all fault lay with the lemon rice soup.

So what is the first most logical thing you do after you associate somebody or some establishment poisoned you? Obviously, I vowed to never return to that establishment. Obviously, no sane person would return to the scene of the offense to re-experience that 24 hours of hell again. And no, I have never eaten there again. And again there is a rational part of me that can analyze the situation, the numerous times that we had eaten there in the past, and realize that the odds of my ever getting food poisoning there again would be slim. Rationally, I know that it was very likely a fluke, yet I was not willing to take that risk again.

Not only did I never return to the scene of the offending soup, for many years if I even thought about eating lemon rice to I would gag. I was having mental and physiological (autonomic) reaction to the experience of having had food poisoning and the experience of attributing that food poisoning to lemon rice soup. For years Mr. Sunday and then my children would go to other establishments that serve lemon rice soup and they would eat it in front of me, at first I would get nauseous but miraculously none of them ever wound up spending 24 hours in the bathroom floor writhing in pain. After years and years of watching people eat lemon rice soup and not have a near-death experience, after years of having tamp down my gag reflex at the thought of eating lemon rice soup, eventually based on observation I decided that it was possibly safe to to try to a bite of lemon rice soup again . And I was pleased to discover that I did not instantly keel over dead or end up spending my evening reviewing the contents of my stomach.

It took years for my logical brain and my autonomic nervous system to come to an understanding that would allow me to indulge in the pleasure of my beloved lemon rice soup.

And how many of us have had that common reactive experience? How many of have gotten food poisoning and vowed to never return the scene of the crime or eat the offending food?

And that was just one event, one time, one bowl of soup that I associated with a bad experience.

Just one.

Just soup.

How is it that we as a community, as a society expect children who have lived through years of bad experiences at the hands and on the whim of those who were supposed to protect them and keep them safe to suddenly expect them to get over and trust that their new situation is safe when their overwhelming experience has shown them that they are not? We can not force others to feel safe, we have to allow them the experience of being safe...

...for a very long and sustained time.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Abusive parenting techniques to treat reactive attachment disorder?

Some more to think about during Nation Adoption Awareness Month:

Please go read this article

Abusive parenting techniques to treat reactive attachment disorder

This is my comment in the proper order:
"I am really very saddened to see members of the attachment community come out and being defensive about a situation or several situations involving the abuse of adopted children post placement. This would be a wonderful opportunity to come out and discuss what is appropriate therapy for children suffering from “reactive attachment disorder” (RAD) or more commonly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). There have been several cases of the abuse involving adopted children and the withholding of food. Three that I can think of that it made the news in recent weeks. In fact the state of Washington was so concerned with the growing number of cases of abuse involving adopted children that they commissioned a report and made recommendations: Severe Abuse of Adopted Children Report STATE OF WASHINGTON DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL AND OFFICE OF THE FAMILY AND HEALTH SERVICES CHILDREN’S OMBUDSMAN CHILDREN’S ADMINISTRATION. This is a growing and serious problem. The fact that so many of these cases have a set of common denominator is not a coincidence, and until we put it all together, speak about it honestly and work to find solutions to help children suffering from PTSD and or RAD children will continue to suffer at the hands of those who committed to give them a supposedly “better life.” As long as members of the “attachment” community continue to deal with these stories of this growing trend from a standpoint of defensiveness abuses with a root in “attachment therapy” will continue to happen. This is not a time for defensiveness and circling the wagons. This is a time to reassess to reevaluate what is and is not “therapeutic” and or what is or is not “abuse.” And a time to contemplate whether it is possible or likely that some suggested methods of parenting children reportedly suffering from reactive attachment disorder (RAD) and or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are indeed coercive and could potentially if not easily spiral into abuse when employed by desperate parents."

This is what I would like every parent who has engaged in power struggles over food to watch...Food is about survival and it should never be used as control if you expect your hurt child to EVER trust you.

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