In yesterdays post I revisited National Adoption Month, sighting adoption as an option for children in foster care, this is a subject I have mulled over in my mind for many years, since I was about 11 to be exact.
Those of you who know my story know I have personally never been adopted, so I have no first hand experience with being adopted. I was raised for the first part of my childhood by someone who was adopted out of the foster care system, and being that I then spent about 7 years as a ward of the state in the foster care system myself, one could draw some conclusions about how well that worked out in our cases.
Now way back when my parent was going through the system there was no therapy, no acknowledgement of their loss and pain and she was adopted into household dealing with a boat load of loss, pain and grief of their own. So anyone could argue that that was an anomaly, but from what I hear when I listen to other adult adoptees I find that that is not the case and many if not most have had long standing struggles with loss and grief.
It has occurred to me over the years that taking a child out of one dysfunctional family situation and putting in to possibly another is not a great solution either.
The bulk of my foster care experiences was spent in group home situations, and maybe I am an anomaly but not much bad ever happened to me there. Don’t get me wrong, I wished my parents would have just grown up and faced their responsibilities and raised me even though I was very inconvenient. But maybe there is something to be said for being raised by people who’s patience is only tried in 8 hour shifts. Maybe there is something to be said about not having to worry about what goes on in isolation or behind closed doors, when there is no isolation and no closed doors. Maybe there is something to be said for responsible adults holding other responsible adults accountable when they aren’t locked in crazy family dynamics together. Maybe there is something to be said about the age old question “would you have rather been raised in an orphanage?”