Thursday, July 28, 2011

Therapeutic 101

Obviously I still have lingering “big feelings” that revolve around food and not being properly fed, because I found this part of [C - - - - - - -‘s first name removed 8/01/20011 4:11 pm] post to be quite triggering. I find the thought of messing with a child’s food to be unimaginable, regardless of the circumstances.

This is the space where I had the quote  that [C- - - - - - First name removed 8/01/2011] asked me to remove, even though I believe that the way I used the quote was permissible under fair use. I have no interest in being involved in blog war. I was merely trying to have a discussion.

[S- - - - - - U- T- - - - - - - Blog name removed on my own accord 8/01/2011 4:18 pm] Therapeutic 101 [link removed with out being asked 7/29/2011 12:01am] 

And this is what I have to say about that:

“I found this post interesting and informative. In our household we are a family, we eat as a family and the right to eat as a family is inalienable. Being the child of an adoptee who *I feel* had lingering food issues, having been not feed when said parent always managed to feed herself well, having ended up as a foster child myself….I *personally* see feeding my children as my obligation regardless of their behavior. And the thought of using food on any level as a consequence for behavior which is not directly food related is completely out of the question, *for me*. in our house everyone has the right to eat whatever anyone else is having or chose off the [kid’s] menu wherever we are, and if they chose not to they have every right to makes themselves a PB&J (including Mr. Sunday) as I am not a short order cook and I do not go out of my way to present food that I know some doesn’t like. I believe in equal access. Furthermore, it would seem to me that messing with the food of a traumatized child struggling with deep-seated and understandable trust and survival issues, would in my humble opinion be counterproductive.”

I guess, I just have a very hard time with seeing a child’s access to food as a privilege.

[Updated 8/01/2011 4:30 pm:  I am saddened about the way this has been handled, but again, everyone has the right to their own opinions and perceptions, and while I do not agree with everyone’s, I do respect their right to have and express them.  I would like to thank everyone who has commented on this post and I would hope that we can all move on from here, with our own individual lessons learned.]

Comments (146)

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I totally agree. It is also inappropriate to use food as a reward and contribute to a child's obesity. This happens for to frequently in this country.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Hi Sunday. I am sorry we have differing parenting styles.

I have never, ever not fed my kids. That would cause major issues. Since my son LOVES PB&J I hardly call this being cruel.

Last, because of my copyright which is listed on the bottom of my blog, copying content from my blog without express permission is actually illegal. So, you need to remove this post immediately.
My recent post Therapeutic 101
12 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Friend of Courtney's avatar

Friend of Courtney · 714 weeks ago

Yes, you do probably have lingering issues from your childhood. Otherwise you wouldn't publicly shame someone who is doing an INCREDIBLY hard thing in raising very difficult children. You. have. no. idea. When you're in the trenches, you do things you NEVER thought you'd do. Parenting these kids looks upside down to most of the world/parents. Courtney shares so that the rest of this doing this, see we are not alone. Give her some credit and some grace. Then go eat whatever you want since you're now an adult and can do that
!! :)
4 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Your ole pal TJ's avatar

Your ole pal TJ · 714 weeks ago

Coming from a foster/adoptive background you should sing praises of people like Courtney who are willing to help "ALL" children. Not bash them for self promotion. Her blog isn't open for you opinions it is open for parents to find a since of hope and feel like they have someone on their team as they try to parent their children with these issues. She is a beautiful wife and mom to a beautiful family! You should be ashamed!
4 replies · active 714 weeks ago
I didn't read this as not allowing the child access to food. Although we don't use food (never thought of it actually) I read this as the punishment was the child kinda HAD to go along with the family to eat out but since their behavior was so unacceptable they would not be given the privilege to enjoy the food off the menu (EXTRA special). It's kinda the same as the whole family is going swimming but a child acts horrible before the trip yet no one can stay home with them so they go but can not get in the pool to swim so they must watch due to their horrible behavior before the trip to the pool. That is how I read it. I do know some families who do send their kids to bed without dinner because they have been lashing out at the family all day or the child does not get desert because of their horrible behavior during the day. To me, all this is just fine.....IF it works.
Another Mama's avatar

Another Mama · 714 weeks ago

I don't see how the child didn't have access to food. The child was still fed - even ate with the rest of the family. Inappropriate behavior was not rewarded, but food was not withheld.

Then again, this comes from another "not a short order cook" mom who does NOT allow alternate food unless for allergies.
I agree with Mama....food was not withheld the child just did not get what was off the menu which was EXTRA special. If that form of consequence works then....Go for it!!! Btw...anyone who follows Courtney knows she is a fabulous mom who ADORES each and every child!!!
I think if you'll go back and reread this post, you'll realize a few things ... you've completely missed the point AND you're incorrect in thinking that this has anything to do with the issue of BEING FED and you'll realize that Courtney's post has everything to do with EARNING PRIVILEGES.

I feel bad that you experienced what you did in childhood but that does not give you ANY right to criticize Courtney for how she safely chooses to discipline her child.

Would you be so irritated with a mom who does not allow her child dessert because the child did not eat their vegetables? I doubt you would and what Courtney described is a very similar scenario.
She didn't say he didn't eat, she just said he was not allowed to eat the restaurant food. They brought his food and due to his behavior, that's what he ate. It's a consequence to his actions. For a family as large as hers, eating out is a huge deal. There are a few comments here that make it sound like he didn't get to eat that night, which is not the case at all.
It is obvious the two posts are coming from very different philosophies. I don't understand where the attacks are coming from. Storing Up Treasures is a public blog, so why there should be restrictions on who reads it is a mystery. I am disappointed that the people defending Courtney's viewpoint couldn't keep things civil. I also raise traumatized children and have for over thirty years. Given their issues, food is usually too big a trigger to make it useful as a therapeutic intervention. Taking your post down from your blog because it is critical of somebody make no sense. When I am offended by something somebody writes, I usually tell them, and them take them off my reader list.
My recent post Two Traumatized Kids
6 replies · active 714 weeks ago
I hate that some people think it's okay to use food or take away food as punishment. Eating out for big families is a big deal, but making one child sit at the table and eat a PBJ is not okay to me. They should have left him with a sitter or at grandmas or something rather than let him come and make him bring his own food. I get that this is a punishment for his behavior, but this is setting him up for some major food issues down the road. I don't understand people. And why is she calling her child RAD? Are those his initials or does he have RAD? I hope it's his initials.
My recent post Can't get away
15 replies · active 714 weeks ago
The child has the condition "RAD"....
I could use food with any of my children EXCEPT the one whose early years were spent eating from the garbage can. In her case food is too triggering. My guess is that if that were the case with Courtney's child, he never would have been at the restaurant at all. My daughter would have ended up in a tantrum with a two-hour hold on the floor and no one would have eaten out. But, we learned the hard way that "not feeding" her is huge. Other privileges can be earned or removed, but not food. Unlike Campbell B, my thought would be that including him, rather than leaving him home or wherever, was a great statement that he was still "part of the family" regardless of bad choices....and rather than just relaxing, enjoying their dinner and ignoring this little guy, both mom and dad spent dinner helping him process the whole thing. I thought it was great - and seems to have worked for their child.

My recent post PROBLEM RESPONDING TO BLOGS
4 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Hi Sunday....how's it going :) I see nothing wrong with you posting about how another person's post triggered you. There has been some stuff that I have said used somewhere else.....it is what it is if you're online!

BTW for me I don't punish with food or with holidays and church. Some things may be tweaked, but those events should be left alone even if kids try to sabotage them....which is more often the case.

I hope you're having a good day. :)
My recent post Gotta love the search terms....
1 reply · active 714 weeks ago
How is giving a child a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of restaurant food cruel? Cruel is starving your child which she clearly did not do. While I don't understand what you're saying I respect that you have a different opinion. However, I don't think it is right to cite someone's elses blog post on your blog (NOT whether it is legal but whether it is RIGHT). You are more than entitled to your opinion on your blog but calling someone else out on their personal choices is uncalled for and rude.
2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago
So why not just stay home? Again, why the need to shame him in public? I think you're contradicting yrself: On the one hand you're saying he did not get to eat the restaurant food with the rest of his family BECAUSE of inapproporiate actions. On the other hand you're saying: it was no big deal, he loves peanut butter and jelly.

So what was the particular punishment then? Because we're agreed this was a punishment, right? Or are you saying you did this because he didn't want to eat restaurant food and loves eating peanut butter and jelly while the rest of his family is eating tacos?

Also, if it wasn't a punishment, why did he feel bad? I would feel bad, too, if I was told I couldn't eat what the rest of my family was eating in public. And admittedly, you chose this punishement because you knew it would have an affect on him.
12 replies · active 713 weeks ago
To then tell him what his feelings are about this incident is emotional messed up, plain and simple. Why? Because to tell another human being what they are or should be feeling in a particular moment and/or what his feelins are related to, interferes wih his ability to feel his own emotions.

Again, I can certainly see having a talk with him about his inappropriate behavior, but refusing to listen to what he was feeling in that moment and why he was feeling it is just not kosher.

And as for the citing someone's quotes on your blog, really? This is accepted and common practice in the blog community. And stooping to threatening is just unncessary.

Furthermore, your child IS NOT a diagnosis. Your child is not RAD. Your child (may) have RAD. I put "may" because RAD is being widely overdiagnosed.
8 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Good heavens!!!
(someone better tell the finalmaze people about all that legal stuff referencing others)

I couldn't post a comment on yesterdays post.... but thanks for the link to Jean Mercer's work. I stayed up for hours reading her.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
well, i'll put my two cents in here. i, too have serious food issues. and as a result i, too, would not have chosen to bring the child to the restaurant with the others but not eat the restaurant food. HOWEVER, i am very clear that that is because of MY food issues. not because there is anything inherently wrong with how courtney and brian are parenting this little boy who, i am fairly sure, is NOT being parented or even cared for by ANY of the rest of us!! how can you possibly judge someone else's choices like that if you are not familiar with the child and not in the situation? not even in the family??? that's like someone telling me that my parenting is awful because my son does not have good table manners. do they know that my son is autistic? no. do they know that he is very, very good at making friends with others and that we have focused on helping him with that instead of working on table manners? no. do YOU know what courtney and brian have gone through and are going through with this little guy???? no, i don't think so. instead of judging, wouldn't it be better to discuss? i have no fear or guilt about saying outright that i could not have chosen the punishment that they did, because of my own issues. i also have no fear or guilt about asking them how it turned out and if they felt ok with the results or if they wished they had chosen some other consequence. courtney? brian? how about dialogue and a shared understanding that we are all doing our best here!!! there is so much not-love in the world, why add to it?
2 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Darn crazy week for blogging.
3 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Attachment therapy would probably help you with your issues. Neurofeedback would be good, too. If you disagree with Courtney, why do you spend time reading her site? Do you have nothing else to do but bash other people for the way they choose to live? Are you raising a RAD kid? Do you have any clue what it's like? (and unless you live with one 24/7, that answer would be "no"). These kids try to control everything--everything--and if Mom and Dad, as Queen and King of the home, don't take that control (to show the kid, he's safe, even when he's not in control), that kid will NEVER HEAL. And then they'll grow up to be dysfunctional adults who raise angry children who have "issues." It's a terrible cycle. Courtney is doing an amazing job with her family.
1 reply · active 714 weeks ago
Oh my word!!!!! What a judgemental group of women on this thread!!!! Judging Courtney for how many kids she has, what she feeds them, how she disciplines them and more. I have never met a perfect mom and seriously moms should SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE one another, especially moms who have a heart for adoption and adopting kids with special needs. I am so disappointed in how hateful moms can be to other moms.
2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago
I haven't read all the comments, but Courtney didn't withhold or deprive her child of food. And I find it strange that you take such issue with the way another mom chooses to lovingly and patiently parent her children from hard places, yet you have no problem publicly demeaning and shaming another person yourself.
1 reply · active 714 weeks ago
Do you mean like you are attempting to do to me here, now?
1 reply · active 714 weeks ago
I just want to go on record for saying what a HUGE BLESSING Courtney and her blog have been in my life. Her honesty and her willingness to put herself out there at risk of being judged and ridiculed ... these things inspire and encourage me. It's the EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD to nit pick and find fault. However it takes REAL COURAGE to actually lay your whole heart on the table for all to see in the hopes of making others feel less isolated and alone. I applaud Courtney for having the guts to be a positive force.
My recent post washed by the water
3 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Dear Sunny ~ I am sorry that you had a difficult childhood. And, I think you are now realizing that these are "Your" issues. I also believe that the post you wrote, previous to this one is based on your admiration of Jean Mercer and her blog, in particular this post: http://childmyths.blogspot.com/2010/12/federici-v...
You simply cannot base an opinion about others parenting choices based on what you read somewhere else.
Parenting Coach's avatar

Parenting Coach · 714 weeks ago

The problem I have with this "type of parenting" of children with "RAD" is that you are SHAMING the child.

Did Jesus shame the prostitutes or the lepers? No. He accepted them with love and understanding of their behaviors and disorders.

SHAME is not a part of parenting of any child.
2 replies · active 714 weeks ago
You are an idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bashing her on your blog???? Now you just sound like a 12 year old!!!!!!!!!! VERY VERY unmature!!!!!!!!!!
3 replies · active 714 weeks ago
WOW - I don't even know where to begin. Haven't read Courtney's blog since you removed the link.....BUT I didn't find your blog "rude" or "bashing" of her. You were just stating your opinion based on your experiences - I believe we ALL do that. I do enjoy reading blogs that give different perspectives. Sometimes it provides me the opportunity to rethink what I believe I know. Silly me, I thought the exchange of ideas was good.

Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't make them angry. Your love of children and desire to share what you've learned along life's journey are what make you a wonderful mother, wife and coach!

Again, haven't been to Courtney's, but some of her supporters have definitely not been "nice" on your blog and really made themselves look bad.
4 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Sundaysnob's avatar

Sundaysnob · 714 weeks ago

Lady.. I suggest you see a counsellor about your ongoing issues.. Courtney did NOT withhold food from her child.. if you could read, you would see this, she substituted one, favoured food, for a treat.. that is not unfair in any way and since you think it is.. I can only imagine how you must dole out consequences.
Did any of you on this blog read the comments posted on Courtney's blog. Ha, not just non-Christian, but evil. I suggest you all go and adopt a bunch of kids, especially those with RAD and then express your opinions. Most of you have no idea what you are talking about, yet drama draws you in like some foolish lemming following the person in front of you. Live one day in her shoes, I dare you. She asked you to remove a horrible and hurtful post, and instead, you choose to try to degrade and demoralize one of God's favorite people. Shame on you. With no knowledge or discernment, you judge. Or maybe, you came from a home with NO limits at all, and NO discipline and think that the child, no matter what the disability should RUN the home. Look up information. Ask a psychiatrist about raising a kid with rad. Stare her face to face in her home with kids dangling from her loving arms and then judge, then open your mouth, I dare you. Just because you speak with your fingers, does not mean there aren't consequences to what you say. Sunday says she doesn't want to start a blog war...yes she clearly does. But Courtney won't do it. She has class, grace, and love that Sunday will never understand. Grow up. Get a life outside of the internet.
3 replies · active 714 weeks ago
Wow, so sad to see so many hurtful opinons of people we don't personally know or taken the time to know. I am phyiscally sadden by some of these hurtful posts. Yes I understand us having our own personal opinions about something meaningful or close to our hearts but to blatently attack anothers views nevers seems like a postive approach. We are all parents of very different children and we were all parented by different parents so we will mostly likely all parent our child differently. I am not going to drag anyone in the mud for what they chose to do differently. Yes parents have the obligation to nuture their children, feed, clothes and provide the essentials. I don't see where this poor mother, who's being slandered didn't do that. I just don't see it.
Yes because of your growing up experiences I can see you this being particulary difficult for you, however you must know that what is hurtful or emotionally painful to you may not be to everyone else. We actually went over is similar situation in foster care classes. We were given the okay that if a child was acting up at dinner or didn't make it to dinner when told when dinner would be that it was fine to make them a pb@j instead. Having a child go without food would be inapprioprate but providing something different would not.
Sunday and Courtney, (and everyone else)

I don't know either one of you in real life and I only sort of know Courtney via her blog but I do think that for some strange reason, it has become common in mothering circles (especially via blogs) for moms to focus in on the specific details of how each little thing is done in a family, rather than focusing in on what is required of us in the Word.

Biblically, we are called as mothers to LOVE our children and to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We are to teach and train them, to pray for them, to discipline them, to provide for them.

The little details are going to look different in each family. For instance, is it absolutely right or wrong to sleep with your child or for them to be in a crib? What about feeding them McDonald's once a week vs. never letting them have anything with trans-fats? How about the right age at which to get a cell phone? What about breast feeding vs. bottle feeding? Bedtime? Video games? never, some, or all day? to vaccinate or not? the list is a mile long

Obviously, there are WISER choices for some of these and based on our growth and knowledge of the Word and our maturity in Christ, we may decide something different than someone else. . . and years later, we may even do it differently than before because we have grown as a parent and as a person.

It is EXTREMELY challenging and difficult to parent a child with attachment issues, a child from hard places and I'm guessing that all of us TOTALLY mess it up at least some of the time (ever yelled at your kid in a moment of frustration?) BUT, as LOVING mothers who desire with all of our hearts to see our kids heal, we pray for God's Grace to cover our sin, we pray for strength and mercy and wisdom to know how to help them, and we keep loving, teaching, training, and hoping. . . and then we do it some more.

Courtney, in that moment, managed to communicate to her son that, YES, there are consequences to your actions, and YES!!! He is loved REGARDLESS of his actions. Isn't that what God does for us? He doesn't spare us from all consequence when we sin, but He also graciously STILL gives us good gifts (like Diet Coke!).

I understand why some would think that food is not the place to take issue (and probably for some kids that is true), but in some instances, it may be EXACTLY what is needed. For children dealing with trust issues have to know at their core that there are boundaries and that mom and dad really are in charge and are taking care of them. ALL of our children with attachment issues have seen HUGE progress with very high structure and discipline and also high nurture.

I remember reading a blog where they suggested giving their child a bag of jerky to carry around all day so they could feel more safe. I thought "wow. that is SO totally different than our family! Our kiddos NEVER have free access to the kitchen or snack drawer and I would NEVER (I think) give them a bag of jerky to carry around. They have all had lots of healing happen with a completely different style of "food" parenting. BUT, it doesn't make the other mom wrong for giving her child jerky. It makes her different.

It isn't a biblical issue.

and neither is feeding your child a pb and j at a restaurant.

However, what IS a biblical issue is the way we LOVE each other as brothers and sisters in Christ and how we speak the truth in LOVE to each other.

Unfortunately, there have been some backhanded and unloving comments on both blogs and from many people (on both "sides") over the past few days because people have felt hurt and attacked.

It should be possible to talk about different ideas and even to debate the pros and cons of an issue without being unloving to the other person. May God give us all the grace and wisdom to do so.

(I'm posting this in the comments on both blogs)
My recent post I'd Like to Adopt, But. . .
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I did not get the impression Courtney as limiting his access to food. The one time out of probably a long time, she takes the children out to dinner as a treat. I agree with Courtney that if your behavior was unacceptable how can you justify buying them a special treat. Same situation i was in with my girlfriend. Yesturday we took our girls (4 all together) to get their nails painted at a salon. One of her girls was not listening and acting up. so she did not get her nails painted. So Courtney's son did not receive his treat. but of course since the treat was a meal you must feed your kid, I think PBJ is a fine alternative for one night. If she let him eat out just like the 10 other children what message would that send to the others.
Wow on both sides...wow. For other RADical moms, if we're to truly change views about parenting kids with RAD/PTSD, then be positive. For those bashing Courtney, I have and am (distantly) parented one, count it, one kid with RAD. We have tried many different types of therapy, many different medications and homeopathic remedies. Our whole family has been in therapy. It was not until he attempted to kill me that we absolutely had to have him out of the house. Even then, I begged the police to take him to juvie and not the nearest state hospital because he'd been assaulted by one of the staff members there during a prior hospitalization. How families do it with multiple kids with multiple issues is beyond me. No matter what he's done to me, how many pets he assaulted or killed, the fires he set, the relationships with others looking in from the outside that his behavior ended...he will always be my son. Sometimes though, parenting means admitting that your skills and your resources are not enough. After almost two years of state hospitals (including one for those "manifestly dangerous" where the other state hospitals send their extreme adolescent patients, and now his third RTC, he's finally making progress and I can visit him without fear of being punched (although I do make sure I'm on his right side at all times...his left punch is not as bad as his right) and he's only now 14.
People who are not raising children of trauma need to be aware that things like sabotaging going out to eat is a control issue. If she had allowed his behavior to ruin the family's night out...he thought he'd won but then, in all reality, he's lost an opportunity for more family time. By offering him some of her coke...to a kid with RAD, that is love. That is acceptance regardless of his behavior. By verbalizing how he may be feeling....when our kids dissociate, they have no words for what they're feeling and by verbalizing it, she's throwing him a lifeline, something to either help him understand why he may be feeling like he does or to show him and the others, this may be what's going on and it's okay,, I'll always be there. So, in my humble opinion, until you've had to watch your eleven year old in handcuffs and shackles for assaulting his teacher, buried your daughter's hamster, talked to the firemen about how in the world he could be on the computer one second and within two minutes run and set a field on fire, had his hands pulling as hard on the seatbelt around your neck as he could.....don't judge. I don't judge people who experienced trauma as a child...that's not my history so I have no right. I don't judge my son but I do have to address his behaviors. Sorry for the long rant....guess that's my issue.
Sunday, If you don't agree with Courtney why do you read her blog? Your actions make no sense to me (neither do your comments).
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I am a special education teacher who spent a few years working with kids with RAD. They do not process behaviors the same way non-RAD kids do. They do not have the capacity (not their fault) to understand and control their behavior. They do not have the ability to identify with anyone else's feelings but their own. They respond to consequences that have a definite "what's in it for them" aspect. They are unable to change their behavior just because a loving parent wants them to. They often do not have the language to process their feelings and behaviors. These are things that must be taught. I am sorry if Courtney's post triggered "food issues" for you, but judging and criticizing were not productive for anyone.
My recent post Do Hard Things
I have given children sandwiches as opposed to hot food at various times for various reasons and they are none the worse off for it. All children deserve to be fed. But if they don't cooperate, it doesn't necessarily have to be the food they want.
wow people wow, the amount of venom coming onto this blog is just silly.

Read the Post for goodness sakes.....the beginning says "this must trigger me because".......and then the post goes on.

If you all think this is bashing you all don't get out much....and yes I'm talking to traci, zombie, even courtney. I've stated it and now will state it again....everyone has the right to their opinions even if they disagree with your own. And we all make a choice to have a PUBLIC blog.....so ergo, if one makes the decision to have a PUBLIC blog, the consequences are that not everyone is going to be robotic and think just like another person. Sunday and I may not agree with every philosophy in life, I am not a follower of Courtney, however, I do read blogs where I may disagree more than agree because sometimes we learn something. When going back and forth gets into "why are you reading my blog" then it's time to make that blog private.

I'm sad as a person that professes to be an active Christian, to see all these nasty comments from another blog that is very much professing a Christian theme. I'm sure that's not how we should be talking to each other. Come and say you disagree because of x,y,z, but do it graciously and tactfully please!
2 replies · active 714 weeks ago
I was an RAD kid. (diagnosed at thirteen, showing signs since six or seven.) I also have a history of food-trauma that could be considered directly related to Courtney's parenting decision. While in foster care, because of the actions of my foster siblings (and even then, usually just due to accusations and not always truth), my meals were often replaced with 1/2 cup of oatmeal (minus sugar, fruit, etc...just the plain, simple kind in the huge cylinder) for every meal. Which was often reduced to just two meals a day. And my foster parents would get take-out BBQ and eat in front of us. Sometimes this would go on every day, for months. I would usually end up stealing food, or someone else would do it for me, and then gorge myself on food on visits with my parents. This is just the start of my food issues.

The thing is, the difference between Courtney's decision and what I went through is EVERYTHING. First of all, it is so obvious that Courtney loves her kids and has their best interests in mind. Also, peanut butter and jelly is NOT shameful, it's quite nutritious, and I don't think there is anything wrong with her parenting in this situation. You're not her, you can't judge her, and you don't know her son's past history in order to intelligently comment on it. You're insinuating that she is hurting her child, and that's not only wrong, but quite hurtful. I realize that you don't fully understand RAD and its ramifications on a family. It's taken me a long time to come to this place, but RAD is very real, and it screws with the minds and self esteem of foster and adoptive parents, and other authority figures in a RAD child's life. To falsely accuse them of harming their child is that much more hurtful when the parent already goes through accusations like that every day.

These are just my two cents, coming from someone that knows both sides quite well.
1 reply · active 713 weeks ago
Why can't you just end this already and get rid of the post?

What is there to gain?

More people threatening me?

More e-mails in my inbox?

Honestly, if you had anykind of heart you would drop this.
What exactly is your purpose in posting people's identifying information? Is that some kind of scare tactic? A threat? A way to gain the upper hand? You have done it to me and to others. I am very confused as to why you would do that. So that more people would make threats against me and my family?

Is your hope to have my kids end up in foster care? The place that you write about being so awful? And how hard it was for you? Is that you intent? For my children who are deeply loved, attached, thriving, and healthy to end up being in foster care? Because that is where this is headed with the threats I have gotten and the way I have been painted as some awful mom who doesn't give her child "access" to food.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
*
Sunday - hugs...I had no idea you were being hit like this for talking about a trigger for you. I am truly sorry, truly. I second every single word Dannie said!

Sigh...I wish people could learn to read and comprehend INSTEAD of trying to read and create a rebuttal in their mind at the same time...

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