Friday, June 17, 2011

Who Stole The Cookies From The Cookie Jar…Adoptee…That’s Who…You Little Piggie-Pooh

 

He stole food from the cupboard, the refrigerator and the household garbage, Hardy said. One day, the boy scooped up from the ground and put in his mouth beans that were covered with ants from a picnic-ground parking lot, Hardy said.

That, though, didn't mean the child was hungry, the defendant said. It meant he had the habit of eating everything in sight.

adoptive parents torture trial guilty: Jurors find adoptive father guilty of neglect - OrlandoSentinel.com  Brought to my attention by The Adopted Ones

There are a few things that come up when talking about foster or adopted children and child well fair that flat out Piss! Me! Off!

One of those being the premise that foster and of adopted children are stealing food.

Let us get this straight once and for all. Consuming food in your own home, whether you are naturally born, a foster child or adopted IS NOT STEALING. Consuming food in your own home without permission… IS NOT STEALING! It may be against the rules, defiant, or inconsiderate but it… Is not stealing!

Removing food from your home and selling it to friends…now that IS stealing. Whipping your ass with my toilet paper…IS NOT STEALING, it is here for the use of the people in my home. Taking rolls home without my permission…IS STEALING.

Moving food from designated areas and hiding it…IS NOT STEALING. It is hording.

Foster and adopted children can have issues revolving around food, it is true. Those issues are a direct result of past neglect, institutionalization and is a perfectly understandable coping mechanism and or survival instinct. Withholding or restricting the availability of a traumatized child’s food is not going to do anything to help them heal. It will in fact exacerbate their inability to feel safe and secure, and keep them in biologically driven desperation mode.

The only way for a traumatized child to overcome their deep seeded and perfectly understandable fear of starvation is to make sure that they learn, over time (a long time) that they will always have access to food, all of the time whenever THEY feel hunger.

If you don’t want your foster or adoptive children eating junk…how about you don’t bring it into your home.

You are tired of finding food hidden all over their room…try what LT suggests and provide them with nonperishable healthy food and an airtight container that they can keep their own safety stash in a designated place.

Afraid they will over eat…they may at first. But over time, and it may take a long time they will learn and retrain their brain and know that they will not starve, they will not be hungry again.

You think they will become overweight…welcome to America. Again, the types of food you provide are up to you. Ironically, by the time we the public hear about these so-called adopted and fostered food thieves, as in the above case or  this patient of Dr. Ronald Federici, they are malnourished, and their ‘parents’ are being charged with abuse and neglect.

Do you think that everything should be better and your fostered of adopted child should magically know that they can feel safe and secure in your love and care because they have been rescued and you brought them home…I am sorry to be the one to tell your this, that just is not how that works.

Food is not and has never been a discipline strategy, a bargaining chip, a reward, or the appropriate focus of a power struggle; it is a basic human right of every child, even those who are adopted or in foster care!

Comments (26)

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Bravo!!!
I am so with you. Food, clothes, sleep stuff, (anything your parents are responsible for ensuring you have) and your own possessions and not bargaining chips.

Good luck having mentioned and linked to Federici. When I shut down my blog, one of his fans sent a message into the ether declaring that I must had seen the errors of my ways and shut it down because of him. *sigh*
1 reply · active 720 weeks ago
Nothing says "you don't belong here" like making it sound like you cannot use things in your own home. How awful :-(

You go girl!
I totally agree with you on the proper use of the word. You can't punish the trauma out of a child.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Sunday this a great, necessary post. LT's suggestion is excellent but I fear that won't be attractive to those parents for whom food issues are really a struggle for power.

Taking food in ones own home is not stealing, you're so right!
YEP! That is something foster kids know well! One home I was in, they would have like tons of food..... I got weight watchers crap.... they had decided I was too fat.... I was 13 or 14. I don't think I ate anything fresh the entire time I was there. Now I have this phobia (and I will be 50 in a couple months) about not having fresh veggies and fruits. I even taught my nephews and niece to eat right... It is like a OCD thing with me.... I get paranoid if I can't find fresh stuff. It is pathetic, yeah, I get that... but honestly, I don't buy into the crap that you can't eat what's there.... I do buy into the idea that the refrigerator is not the first place you go when you come into the house. In my house, food is there, it gets eaten or not, and that is that. But I don't buy and won't bring junk food into my house. Not of any kind.
1 reply · active 719 weeks ago
My sibs and I all have some issues around food, mostly the compulsion to have food in the house. My kids have things they can eat whenever they want the only thing that I limit are ice-cream and cookies, which they can have every day, after they eat something healthy.

One of the things I liked most about being in placement was having 3 meals every single day. Imagine that!
I couldn't agree more! I unfortunately have an old victorian house that is all too easily populated by meeses and ants, so we have never allowed food anywhere but the kitchen. But when my child w/ food issues came home I made sure that there was a large unlocked easily accessible cabinet in the kitchen with all the foods he liked. Nope they were not all healthy. But they were things I knew he liked because his f. mom kept accusing him of stealing them. I put a big bowl of fruit in the middle of the island (we always have that anyway I just made it bigger) And I made it clear that he could eat whenever he wanted. There was always dessert at supper and I made sure whatever it was he had as much as he wanted of it. I had very little hording as a result of this and I find that his eating levelled out and became pretty age appropriate. None of my kids are overweight because we are really active. Food is the most basic of needs and also one of the most primal nurturing things we can offer--I don't get making it anything other than a testament of love and caring.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
great post and insights.
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1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Peter Combs's avatar

Peter Combs · 719 weeks ago

Great post. When I had custody of my nephew he would routinely horde food. This makes so much more sense now.
My recent post Fathers Day
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I'm so glad I read this. William has his food issues, too. One of the few things he remembers about "her" is that she didn't feed them. He's always asking for food, even though, he's not really hungry. That's the only thing that I can't figure out. He doesn't want it, but he doesn't hoard it. He just throws it away. I guess he just needs to know that's in an option? (That drives me crazy, just because I can't stand to see the food wasted.) I really like the idea of having a container for his snacks, he'd like that. : ) Thanks for writing this!
My recent post People in the real world and their questions
3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago
My kids don't seem to have any any food issues - but I enjoyed reading this discussion anyway. Very informative.
My recent post What I want you to know …
1 reply · active 719 weeks ago
thank you Shannon, love your what i want you to know post BTW!
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seeking elevation · 719 weeks ago

I think it's awesome that you post things like this. It's so important and so overlooked. Thanks for sharing.
My recent post How to cope
1 reply · active 719 weeks ago
There are many ideas, believe and perceptions that the people who are not educated, hold, and which are totally unreal and also which are totally foolish to believe on. But still people believe on them.

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