Friday, October 22, 2010

Sometimes You Open Your Mouth and the Truth Falls Out

Who else was in foster care?   She asked. 

I could see him tense up.  No he didn’t just say that, out loud, where anyone else but me could hear it. Oh yeah, dad, you did. And now I am wondering how you are going to get out of this one. Some times the truth slips out when you least expect it.

We were at my fathers house for (shiva) a gathering of my father’s friends and extended family the day after my grandfather’s funeral, he was talking to me about the relationship I had with my grandfather. We were close grandpa Koffron and I, we were kindred spirits and we shared a different bond, the bond of foster care.  (We shared the bond of being inconvenient children with crappy mothers and useless, absent fathers to be exact).  My dad was talking to me, when she overheard.

Well he wasn’t exactly in foster care; my dad was passed around from relative to relative.  Dad said trying to undo the too

Yes, I know. But you said… too…who else was in foster care- too?

I am sure what little color I have in my face was gone by now.  I honestly felt bad for my dad at that point.  I had realized long ago, that to his wife and him, appearance and image were more important than fact.   He had stepped in it; he said it and she heard it.  I was not going to help him out of this jam however, I had lived it.  I wanted to say “me”, I was dying to say “me”, but I love my dad and I knew saying “me” would have caused problems for ME.  I said nothing. 

He back peddled.  He miss spoke, he didn’t mean to say too

Mrs. P looked confused, she looked skeptical, looked like she wasn't buying it, but she allowed him to change the subject.  

She is a sweet lady. 

I stood there, next to my dad, my life experience denied. 

She may not have known that too was ME, but I was standing next to my dad and she knew I existed and that is more than most. 


Von said...


Lori said...

Sunday, since I was in foster care, I get that. Even before foster care, my dad had dumped me with his girlfriend...and then raced me home when my older sister was going to be there so that she wouldn't know....she knew.

me too....

Sunday Kofffon Taylor said...

Yes Von, it is tricky.

Lori, the crux of the thing is that we “technically” have families, we usually know who and where they are, but even being by birth they are in no way “permanent” families. There is no end to the possible infraction that could offend his wife and prompt him to declare his “doneness”…AGAIN. Our family relationships are temporary and conditional. (Much like our counter parts our friends the adoptees)

For years I have tried to walk that insane tightrope so my children could have grandparents. But this past year I had to make a stand, I had to speak up and the only price I played was my relationship with my dad. If my cleaning out the closet saves another generation of my (extended) family the kind of pain and trauma that my grandpa, my mom, to some extent my dad (his mother was very ill and his grandma raised him for years) and I suffered, so be it…it is a small price to pay.

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