Thursday, December 2, 2010

What's Not To Suck?

I got a comment today that said “I’m sorry your experience sucked”; I thought it was cute and sweet.

…But, for me it was not the foster care experience that sucked, it was the fact that I was there at all was that sucked.
Not that I am saying it was like going to a 7 year sleep away camp filled with fun activities…oh, maybe it was JUST like a 7 year sleep away camp.  And the best thing about it for my parents it was FREE.  Good thing they wised up and learned how to use the system between the years they sent my sister to boarding school and me to foster care.  Imagine all the extras they were able to afford for them selves with all of the boarding school tuition they saved.  

I am very grateful to all of my non-parents and the influence they had on me, most of whom were amazing selfless people, and I credit those strangers for who I am today. 

So, I didn’t have a bad foster care experience –being in foster care IS a bad experience. 


Jeannette said...


I love reading your blog. I love that you are so honest, truthful, and positive.


Amanda said...

So, I didn’t have a bad foster care experience –being in foster care IS a bad experience.

Well said!

Not that your other commentor was implying this but the "you must have had a bad experience" stuff always baffles me a little....

The entire experience of being surrendered/fostered/adopted has the potential for being bad, for any one, just by its nature. It doesn't mean that someone can't be a positive and successful person or appreciate people and events during that time, or if they're not, they must have had a "bad experience."

Sunday said...

Thank you, Jeannette I have been to keep up with you too. You have a fascinating story!

I know right Amanda! The experience was bad within it’s self, that’s all. My parents weren’t doing what it took to raise me. Those people were not MY parents; they were wonderful people but not MY parents.

I think some foster parents and adoptive parents tend to take it personally if their kids even notice the unpleasantness that got them there or of being there. As if a child grieving or wishing that things were different is a slap in the face. They seem to see it as if the child is saying “you are not good enough for me.” and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Being in abandoned, in foster care or adopted it is just an unnatural and unusual situation. It is what it is; pretending it is not does not make it so.

Von said...

How very true!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Anything that begins in loss completely stinks, no matter how wonderful the experience.

My neighbor, who lost his wife two years ago, is probably remarrying in the spring. His eight-year-old twins will have a new stepmom (whom they absolutely adore). Because they love her, and she loves them... that doesn't mean it still doesn't stink. Because they lost their mom. And their relationship with their stepmom came about BECAUSE they lost their mom.

Adoption, foster care... why can't people see that its the same when it comes to loss?

Sunday said...

Excellent question TM! It just doesn’t make sense that people would think something, someone, could take it all away.

NOLA said...

Very well said! I've worked with many foster kids, and that's just it. (Though, sadly, too many also have bad foster care experiences.)

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