2011 ~ To Tell The Truth - Please Stand Up

Monday, November 7, 2011

Rescuing the Lakota Children: The Lakota People's Law Project Responds to NPR Story with Three Ways You Can Help

NPR's hard-hitting investigative report concerning the forced removal of Lakota Sioux children from their homes in South Dakota causes the Lakota People's Law Project to respond. The NPR story aired on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of this week, addressing violations of the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) by South Dakota and other states across the nation. The award winning investigative reporter Laura Sullivan exposed the need to rescue Lakota children from an abusive state foster care system overly concerned with securing federal funds at the expense of Indian child welfare. Rescuing the Lakota Children: The Lakota People's Law Project Responds to NPR Story with Three Ways You Can Help...

Say What?

Sunday Koffron Taylor ‎"A GENTLE REMINDER: Birth mothers don't "give up" their children, they place them!" i ran a crossed this in my reader....my gut reaction is "Are you effing kidding me?” any other thoughts? Facebook I guess my real question is: who does that language really serve?...

You May Say I’m a Dreamer

But….I am not the only one And thus, Pandora's Box is opened. scooping it up: Stirring the Adoption Pot It made me sit up in bed, fire up the lap-top to post after a 15 hour shift. Come on back and give me your thoughts....

Mean Girls

Teens! This weekend my daughter (a high school freshman) was with a group of girls and one was spreading a rumor that another girl in (being ostracized from) the group had had 2 abortions. When I got wind that this conversation had taken place I was stunned and furious! I asked my daughter about it, she said that yes, her friend did say it…but that people had been saying it for a “long time”. I told my child that saying, repeating or even listing to rumors like that was just plain wrong whether it was true or not. That I am confident in this case it is not. That if somebody did happen to get a high school freshman pregnant it was a CRIME…illegal and that person could/should be in jail. That needing to have an abortion in high school would tragic, and is something that would affect someone...

We Needed A Formal Study To Figure This Out?

4-year-olds soak up wrong message from SpongeBob in study Lindsey Tanner/ Associated Press Chicago— The cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants is in hot water from a study suggesting that watching just nine minutes of that program can cause short-term attention and learning problems in 4-year-olds. Health | 4-year-olds soak up wrong message from SpongeBob in study | The Detroit News...

Sweetbutterbliss: How To Tell if You Are an Adult

At work when a girl turns 18 we call it "aging out." Essentially they are "adults" and have to start living a more independent life. Sweetbutterbliss: How To Tell if You Are an Adult...

I ran a crossed this when I was hanging up clothes in Amélie’s closet the other day… oh, that girl is gonna be a challenge. “Hey, Amélie, what’s this about?” “I was trying to hide my money from CoCo.” “But WHERE did you get it?” “It just appeared there…” “I think maybe it was Maddie’s babysitting money. Is it?” “Yes, I think I saw her put her money in my room” Huge innocent grin. “Maddie, did you put your money in your sister’s room.” Laughing, “No!” See what I’m saying? What do you do with a child who is so adorable and charming that even her big sister can’t be mad at her even after she realizing that she stolen her money? What do...

I’m Still Alive

I am here…I haven’t been scared off…I didn’t runaway…I am not hiding…just busy…I started a new job…I am still working my old job…Juggling…Juggling…Juggling I still have lots to say…don’t you go worrying about THAT! What are you juggling these da...

CoCo’s Big Gym Adventures

On Wednesday I work during the day. Mr. Sunday has to work and the big girl has had summer school. I bring the two little ones to work with me. They do day camp while I coach. Well, Amélie does day camp and CoCo sits off to the side and watches everyone else play…that is the way it has been going all summer. img alt="" galleryimg="no" onload="var downlevelDiv = document.getElementById('5a586f89-c0e1-43cf-ab6b-5d79a2941b23'); downlevelDiv.innerHTML = "";" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDtz4lxEvdW99jSK1XhDzsaWMF2h48W3oZZN7ysaHOCxyVJXSLSnMDy899RBqYxCWFS4-9_h6wAcNBxFCKiH9K3znCJ8Ze5oSVNGA4h2ZPmhVh1CvkTh9zlIQO1qC8vn8qBLYmk85ul60/?imgmax=800"...

Full Circle: The Talk

We told him it's okay to feel the feelings that will come up.. he can be angry, sad and happy, reiterating as we always do that it's not their fault. Their mom loves them dearly she just can't keep them safe. We talked about me being adopted and my family, as well as their older brother (9 year old "Freckles") and what it all means. Full Circle: The Talk August 6, 2011 I meant to link to this post a week ago when Melissa first posted it…I think it goes a long way in explaining the complexity of emotions that surround foster care adoptions. And ya’ll know I DO support adoptions from foster care, and the amazing parents who work hard to help their kids through a sometimes ruthless system, and lasting losses. But today I am linking to this post because last week Melissa...

The Little Things

Sometimes you just have to stop to smell the roses..Or watch the biggest spider you have ever seen kill and eat stuff. The pictures really don’t do her justice!...

The House That Built Me

It was a country music kind of day… You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am I thought if I could touch this place or feel it This brokenness inside me might start healing Out here it’s like I’m someone else I thought that maybe I could find myself If I could walk around I swear I'll leave. Won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me. written by Tom Douglas and Allen Shamblin The thing is there is no house that built me. There is only a collection of places I never really belonged. They say you can’t go home, but I don’t even know where that’d be. Yes, it has been that kind of day, if I had a home I would have gone there. ...

Fostering Connections

“Under proposed legislation named Fostering Connections, I would have been able to enter an independent living environment, where I would have had access to a variety of resources. Additionally, DHS would have helped me establish a support system, sent a caseworker to see me, aided me with my job search, and helped me with other services. If I'd had that help, I would be in a different situation than I am in now.” From The Detroit News As a sixteen (about to be 17) year old going into my senior year in high school I was granted independent status by Michigan’s Family Independence Agency (DHS). At the time that decision was made there were no independent living programs in the state. I was seen as too old and independent to live in a foster home placement, I had out stayed the usefulness...

Maybe You Should Do It Yourself

You know that thing our husbands do where they do something so bad that you would be an idiot if you ever asked them to do it again? Well, my 13 year old girl is apparently trying that strategy on for size… Because this is her idea of how to put dishes away and…. Yester day: “This bathroom is STILL not clean” “I have told you I cleaned it three times and you keep saying it is not good enough. Maybe if you want it done right you should do it yourself.” “Maybe if you wanted to do anything other than clean the bathroom today, you would have done it right the first time.”...

I Don’t Belong Here

Those of you have followed along for a while know that Algebra 1, was the bane of my parental existence for the entirety of my big girl’s 8th grade year. I mean I tried everything I could think of to get that kid to just turn in her work. I begged, I pleaded, tried empathy, I remained calm, I lost my cool, I threatened, I followed through, nope, it wasn’t gonna happen, she would do her work but she would NOT TURN IT IN. I emailed the teacher, I set her up with a tutor, I took her to a professional tutoring place, both of which informed me she didn’t need help…she completely understood how to do it. But still she would not turn in the work. I...

What Were They Thinking?

I’m not sure they ordered my big girl’s warm-up big enough… I am not even sure it will even fit her as a senior…four years from now. Because it fits ME…over my clothes. ...

Shhh!

Kitty is sleeping. Does the shot remind anyone else of LeBron James?...

When I Say My Kids Are Climbing The Walls…

I mean they are CLIMBING the walls…. img alt="" galleryimg="no" onload="var downlevelDiv = document.getElementById('e78002ed-9148-4952-8ae9-05885c96b19c'); downlevelDiv.innerHTML = "";" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhijJkvOuqZHnrqBGQ0xnUzPmcS6thFomp3o7WBpSPoQBI-fkgWB6reIhEyrx_MUCBRfs3VjzrvwNLKZ2_onIytAQJTYvAK7UXTPU81HzWGVjjNq5qLqapboxP-caAKT-GCfL0V5Al-YTA/?imgmax=800" style="border-style: none"> Seriously folks, I am a trained professional over here. Don’t let your kids do this at home…unless you don’t mind grubby footprints on all of your doorjambs. Feel free to comment on my serious lack...

I’m Still Standing

After all tomorrow is another day…Scarlett O’Hara...

Therapeutic 101

Obviously I still have lingering “big feelings” that revolve around food and not being properly fed, because I found this part of [C - - - - - - -‘s first name removed 8/01/20011 4:11 pm] post to be quite triggering. I find the thought of messing with a child’s food to be unimaginable, regardless of the circumstances. This is the space where I had the quote that [C- - - - - - First name removed 8/01/2011] asked me to remove, even though I believe that the way I used the quote was permissible under fair use. I have no interest in being involved in blog war. I was merely trying to have a discussion. [S- - - - - - U- T- - - - - - - Blog name removed on my own accord 8/01/2011 4:18 pm] Therapeutic 101 [link removed with out being asked 7/29/2011 12:01am] And this is what I...

CHILDMYTHS: Adoption, Trust, Complacency, and the Barahona Case

In this report, while acknowledging all the many problems of caseworkers, including poor training and heavy caseloads, the jury members emphasized a problem that is prevalent but rarely mentioned. They referred to it as a bias of trust and complacency. The bias of trust stressed by the grand jury report is the assumption on the part of the social work profession that adoptive parents are by definition good people, and that they cannot be the source of harm to the children in their care. Without wishing to accuse an entire professional group, I must agree strongly that this belief characterizes many adoption caseworkers and the staffs of adoption agencies. All adoptive homes are described as loving and nurturing, as if adoption were synonymous with excellent child-rearing. Adoption-oriented...

Of Kids, Kittens and Attachment

As I mentioned in my last post we brought a couple of kittens home the other day. My kids have been asking for a cat for a long time. So when a friend mentioned that she had kittens (well, she didn’t have them herself…her cat did) I packed up all of my kids and took them to pick out a kitten. Actually two, because even kittens need company and just like kids two together are always easier to care for than one by themself, at least the way I see it. Obviously my kids were very excited to go and bring not one, but two kittens home to love and have for their very own. For me and my friend the process of going and taking two kittens away from their...

RAD Behavior Checklist

Have you ever read a RAD check list? A behavior checklist for RAD symptoms was taken from Liz Randolph's RADQ assessment. A professional assessment is necessary to determine whether or not a child has an Attachment disorder. This checklist can help you identify areas of potential problem. It is not meant to substitute for a professional assessment and treatment plan. The best person to complete the checklist is the main female care giver of the child, answering the items according to the child’s behaviors seen over the past six months. Circle the items if they are frequently or often true. If you find that more than a few items (more than five or so) have been circled, your child may be experiencing difficulties that require professional assistance. If, in addition to several items...

Report: Foster teens fall through cracks, cost to society called 'tremendous'

The age group with the highest number of people entering the system is 15 to 17, he said. "People think of Children and Youth as the abuse and neglect system," Mr. Cherna said. Instead, it is older adolescents Mr. Pertman believes programs like those in Allegheny County are an important part of the solution, though not the end goal. That, he said, is getting even the older children in the system permanent homes. "The new reality is that you don't have to form families with just little kids," Mr. Pertman said. "The way we've been doing [adoptions] is suited for little kids who look like them. It's not like that anymore. "The idea of this report is to reinvigorate the discussion. We've got to do something today. If we keep waiting for tomorrow, all we're doing...

Today

Today I became an official mother of a teenager. She was born on my ‘sister’ Jackie’s 40th, she would have been 53 today. Today I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have known and loved them both. The little girls went to work with me. CoCo refuses to cross over any of the of the mesh covered resi-mats, and will only scoot (since she still doesn’t crawl) not walk over the the firmer mats. Forget about getting anywhere NEAR the trampolines! Sensory issues…much? Amélie on the other hand, made her first appearance at the gym the day after she was born. It shows. You cant get her OFF the trampolines…or the...

The loneliest children in the world | Percolated Paradox

That people like me don't exist and that foster care is a magical healing place that saves children from horrible people. People do not want to know what happens to American foster children because then they will feel guilty and no one wants to feel guilty. It's easier if you just pretend it doesn't exist then you don't have do anything about it. It's easier if you just pretend WE don't exist. But we do exist. Foster care is creating thousands of scared, damaged, angry, lonely souls who can't speak the same language as the rest of the world so we end up drifting around searching for love and family. We end up searching for "home" for the rest of our lives and never finding it. No one will ever see us because we will forever remain invisible unless...

“Quit being so damn arrogant”

NO Sunday, that does NOT give you a valid point of view. You were hurt and abandoned as a child, YOU were able to cope with YOUR child. Others have experienced pain/trama/abuse in their lives as well. Others have worked their asses off and given everything, literally, for their adopted child and it's just not working... Your point of view is not valid because it is warped and tainted by YOUR past negative experiences. You refuse to see anything positive about adoption because from the get go you see a birth mom giving up their child as a negative thing. Storing Up Treasures: It's not your fault.#comment-230438413#comment- Shockingly, I managed to ruffle some feathers over at Storing Up Treasures with the suggestion that a parents job is to love their children unconditionally...

Seventeen Pillows: Rising Above The System

(I wrote this to foster children who were in the Independent Living Skills Program in San Diego many years ago. They were compiling some words of advice from former foster kids to put into their ILS booklets. I wanted to let them know that even though things may seem crazy right now, it will get better and many of the choices they make now will impact their futures.) Seventeen Pillows: Rising Above The System...

Who Stole The Cookies From The Cookie Jar…Adoptee…That’s Who…You Little Piggie-Pooh

He stole food from the cupboard, the refrigerator and the household garbage, Hardy said. One day, the boy scooped up from the ground and put in his mouth beans that were covered with ants from a picnic-ground parking lot, Hardy said. That, though, didn't mean the child was hungry, the defendant said. It meant he had the habit of eating everything in sight. adoptive parents torture trial guilty: Jurors find adoptive father guilty of neglect - OrlandoSentinel.com Brought to my attention by The Adopted Ones There are a few things that come up when talking about foster or adopted children and child well fair that flat out Piss! Me! Off! One of those being the premise that foster and of adopted children are stealing food. Let us get this straight once and for all. Consuming...

When I Get Old Like Your Age

We were sitting at the dinner table tonight and I was telling Mr. Sunday that I had overheard the six year old neighbor boy tell my five year old daughter that he wanted to kiss her. I told them that there would be no kissing going on around here. The five year old says, “Why did I see YOU kiss daddy the other morning?” I say, “That is because we are grown up and we are married, so it is ok.” The three year old starts listing off all of the things she will do when she is old like me, “when I am old like your age, I am going to drive, I am gonna kiss a boy and I am going to pay money and buy a baby.” *me looking completely dumbfounded* Always quick, the twelve year old says, “Oh, so you plan to adopt!”...

Maddie's Poem 6 million

This is Madeline's narrative poem she wrote for her English class. She received a 12 out of 12 on it and her teacher asked if she could keep it as an example for a reference for future years. 6 million Madeline Taylor 6 million killed, 6 million lied to, 6 million had the yellow patches, 6 million branded. He though this was the solution, To wipe out the Jews, He honestly believed it would happen, He wanted us gone, vanished, and killed. Not only did he take the Jews, He took the gypsies, gays, and injured, Yet his target was still us, The European Jews. He was like Voldemort, In charge, delusional, and convinced he would win, His followers like the Death Eaters, To scared to do anything but follow. 6 million were told to take showers, 6 million...

Closer To Fine

Thank you My Birth Name is Allison for reminding me of this gem, my anthem of sorts as I have sought for some peace with and understanding of my life. The less I seek my source for some definitive…the closer I am to fine, yeah. "Closer To Fine" I'm trying to tell you something about my life Maybe give me insight between black and white The best thing you've ever done for me Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable And lightness has a call that's hard to hear I wrap my fear around me like a blanket I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore. I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain...

On The Job

The last time my elbow hurt like this I went to urgent care because I jammed my finger and found out my wrist was broken...I think I'll just ignore it....

The Logical Place to Begin

Something that has always bothered me is that the very same people who oppose sex education, funding for family planning and woman’s reproductive rights are the ones who oppose community mental health services, WIC, food stamps, equal education opportunities for the poor and minorities, free medical services for children and funding for foster care. But they have no problem with capital punishment. Wouldn’t it make more sense morally, ethically, and financially to help insure that people who don’t want or can’t manage to raise children not have them in the first place? Oh, but there is adoption…I can hear that argument now. The truth is that people do not adopt enough from the US Foster Care System here or internationally to make that argument float. It just doesn’t work that way. If we...

Now That National Foster Care Month is Over

May was National Foster Care Month and I was conspicuously quiet on the subject. I did link up a post to Foster 2 Forever’s blog hop, and I did a post for Amanda over at the Declassified Adoptee, other than that I guess I would have to admit I have pretty much have been avoiding the subject. It is not that I don’t care about National Foster Care Month or the state of foster care in general. It has more to do with my general thoughts on the state of the foster care system. On some level I figured, I’d leave the happy, happy message of national foster care month to those who can cheer “we need more foster parents!” and “adopt foster kids!” Both are true, worthy and important messages. But the fact is the quantity of foster parents is not nearly as important as the quality and training of those...

Tradition, Honor and Remembrance

Yesterday Mr. Sunday the kids and I made our yearly pilgrimage an hour and a half away to my parents’ home town for the Memorial Day parade. (That is not us or our kids.) My mom went there when my grandparents adopted her at 12. Memorial Day is a loaded Holliday. My grandparents’ daughter, my aunt drowned in a swimming hole on Memorial Day weekend. They adopted my mother and her sister soon after. I remember sitting in my mother’s parent’s yard and watching my father’s father march in the parade with the other WWII vets. There aren’t many left now. I started taking my daughter down to watch the parade the year before...

Where The Heart is

Momma’s Happy Place VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL Tecumseh, MI...

No Comment

Blogger is acting nutty…still…grr.. I can’t publish. I can’t comment… I swear I have been reading all of your blogs and had really great insightful and witty comments for all of you….but alas…to no avail…I have been defeated by Blogger. Fiddely-dee, tomorrow is another day. XOXO I hope they fix it soon....

Oh, No! She Made the Pom-Pon Team!

After the first two years of having my daughter in school and in completive gymnastics, I began feeling a lot like a pimp, or some kind of wrapping paper and pie pusher. …really I did. I started feeling like all of my friends and “family” were avoiding me and my latest super-duper fundraising order form. And who could blame them, who needs a $20 pie or a $15 roll of wrapping paper anyway? And honestly what does the school or organization get for all of that pushiness anyway? 5-10 percent? (Now Little Caesars Pizza-kits that is a different story, altogether….we love those…if you are selling I am buying…well, I would be buying if I had any money) I quit. When a fund raiser comes around I try to give a few dollars (which is highly confusing to the organizers who have no idea what...